I am slowly learning that I have less time than I want to be able to blog. It seems I make time to write and end up reading other blogs and neglecting my own. I thought I should at least update everyone with my post holiday news. First, I want to thank many of you for your comments and also all of the other fellow bloggers. The holidays were enjoyable and reading everyone Else's thoughts about them really helped at times too.I am just amazed at the women in this world who blog. Their honesty, humor and thoughts are just awesome!
My husband and I spent Christmas day alone as we have planned. It was completely wonderful and met both of our expectations. It will be a must do for years to come baby or no baby. We just loved that time together and am sad that we have missed out on it over the years.
I wish I had something inspiring to share about the new year. Maybe that is why I have not blogged in so long. The reality is that I was happy to see the year end. 2012 can shove it. 4 ivfs in less than a year leaves one kind of sour, sorry but its the truth. And the end of the December that is just how I felt. I am tired of hearing things happen for a reason....sorry but there is no reasoning for this heartache. For having to sacrifice so much of one's life to even pay for ivf...sorry I vow to never believe that at this point. I was just so happy the year was over. Should I feel positive, yes; but at the end of the day I have to put a smile on my face for every day at work. I told my husband for 2013 I am going to be real. If I feel in a bad mood, I am going to be in one. I am tired of being some superhero. I am a human being. I think it finally hit how much i keep it together between juggling a very demanding career, doctor appointments, exercising, acupuncture, procedures...saving money (that's my role)...it just gets endless. So if I feel unhappy I am going to let myself feel that way....at least for a little bit. Everyone else gets to, so why cant I. I cant because that has never been me. I am always the strong one and then am judged by those when I actually have real feelings. I lost a close friendship this year for that exact reason. And sadly as the year closed it was my best accomplishment, getting rid of negative, judgmental people in my life. I have no space and or time for those folks. Particularly now! Sadly that is what I felt the best about it. Knowing that person is no longer in my life.
Anyone else have any NY reflections to share?
I had so many friends that just quit talking to me and don't want to know anything until we are pregnant. I guess after months turned into years, they just got tired of it all. Imagine what those of us going through it actually feel huh. You are right though, use this year and feel how you feel without filtering or being strong for anyone. Wishing you the best in 2013
ReplyDeletethanks toni!
ReplyDeleteWe have a couple of friends that we have limited our time with ever since infertility. They have a toddler and are full of bright ideas like "why don't they just test your eggs?". This whole thing is terrible and you need to surround yourself with people who support you and don't drain you emotionally, you get enough of that from your uterus. Thanks for stopping by my blog, and good luck with your cycle!
ReplyDeletehilarious! you are right. people are ridiculous. thanks for stopping by as well. Day 1 hit me this morning! i will be keeping you in my ths!
DeleteInfertility sucks and you have every right to just feel whatever it is you are feeling. Sorry you had to deal with such a negative friend. I haven't had any friends be negative about it, but some just sort of pretend like it doesn't exist. That's why we haven't told too many people.
ReplyDeleteGlad you had such a nice christmas with the hubby.
sorry i should have clarified the friend thing it was not about infertility. we dont tell people about the IF, i knew early on that i could not tolerate stupid questions about it. i also, but it could be me, have found it easier to just talk to my doctors and husband about it. in my opinion unless you have gone through it most have no clue what it is like or cant even begin to understand. it was actually about something very petty and it became clear that i was being judged in other ways.
ReplyDeleteIt's a good feeling to get rid of negativity. I am sorry you lost a friend, but it sounds like it was the best thing for you in the end. May 2013 be a better year for you!
ReplyDelete