Update

100 percent fertilization! Thank you god! 5 day transfer set. and for now I am going to think about those embies growing! Life is good.

Retrieval

Retrieval went well. I have been reading a lot about posting numbers and have decided to not post any numbers. I will say that I was lucky enough to have every follicle have an egg. At this point I will take that! My expectation was pretty low today so to end the day feeling positive is where I need to be right now.

I did have an odd part of the day. we arrived to the clinic early so my husband could provide his sample. I began to get really nervous, which I never do. We waited awhile, although they were not busy and I just started to have all sorts of questions. what if i ovulated early? what if they don't bring him in the room? it was insane stuff. The nurse was not overly helpful and even asked me what day was day 1. Hello. here we are at retrieval. my clinic is entirely electronic and has a flowsheet with all information per cycle. and in fact patients have access to it so i know damn well what is there. all i thought was great i get the lazy nurse today. when she put my hr monitor on my hr was at 100. i think the anxiety was getting to me and my husband tried to relax me. when my RE came in, who is just the most positive person, i broke down and for the first time through an ivf cycle I cried in front of him. I told him I didn't know why but i was nervous today. and he said the most magical thing to me. "You are normal". He hugged me and reminded me of positive thinking for the day. I said outloud what I felt; that i was happy that he was there. There was a part of me that was worried that something was going to happen to me. I still don't know where this came from, but it was there. And it was real. Thankfully, my friend the anesthesiologist came in and we got to the good part. my heart rate lowered soon thereafter. Luckily I realized later that I was dehydrated between the long drive last night, no fluids, and only 4 hrs of sleep my body kicked in.

Anyway, I want to thank many of you for your thoughts and prayers. I felt your presence today and clearly I needed it.

Ready

quick update. ER to be on wed! Did an acupuncture session on Saturday morning and knew by today my body was ready. trigger tonight and then heading out Tuesday night! I could not help but to pray last night that it could be my last time ever taking meds. I really hope so! One of my favorite nurses gave me a pep talk reminding me how lucky that I am that my body still responds to meds given the number of cycles. I am going to focus on that and just hope we get one lucky one!

Thanks for all of the well wishes...I will be back later in the week!

an award

ok 2 posts in one day.but i got nominated for an award from Jen at http://overworkedovaries.blogspot.com. The Liebster Blog. This is amazing, since I am clueless on blogging! Thanks Jen!

Her questions

1. What's your biggest guilty pleasure? beyond exercise, I love getting massaged. my husband gives me daily foot rubs. I am one lucky gal
2. Snacks...salty or sweet? neither but if i have to say so salty
3. What's your favorite book? this is really hard. I would have to say taste of the blackberries. it is a children's book which shaped my life on grief.
4. How did you meet your spouse? on line..it was the riskiest thing i did with the greatest reward
5. What's the scariest thing you've ever done? 5 ivfs in a year. seriously, enough said.
6. Who would you want to play you in a movie about your life? amazing question.  khloe kardashian...crazy i know.
7. Do you have any hobbies? i love baking, wrapping presents, and pilates!
8. Do you prefer the city or the country? city girl here
9. What is the farthest place you have ever traveled to? Italy. it was devine
10. Do you have pets? no
11. What was your first job? research assistant. boring job, great people and led me to the place that i needed to be

questions about me

 

1. Biggest regret? I regret not having more confidence in my 20s. 
2. favorite food? seriously quinoa..i am addicted to it
3. favorite thing about myself. I am a good caring person. the older i get the more i realize few people care about others
4. why i will make a good m om. because my life will be dedicated to my baby. i cant wait to love him or her
5. my favorite person in the world? my oldest niece, she rocks my world
6. one thing that no one knows about me? I pray and meditate every day. even more so now.
7. what has been the best part of this journey? realizing that i am a stronger person and even stronger than i ever imagined.
8. favorite moment of the week? opening my lunch today and finding a note on a napkin from my DH. the last line read you are my hero. he is my world, my everything. I will risk my life, and kind of already have, to make him a father.
9. can i keep a secret? this i am amazing at. my hubbie calls me a vault
10. the last time i felt relaxed? holiday baking time..i was in the zone
11. the one thing that i will say after i give birth? beyond bonding with my baby. all i visualize is me crying and saying its over. the battle, the shots, the lack of answers, surgery, drugs...its over and knowing that a new amazing thing is starting

Pushing on

Everything went well today. Slept through my infusion and then raced back to work to finish a 12 hour day. I cannot wait for this stuff to be over, I am so tired of racing back and forth between appointments, calling a pharmacy, and trying to maintain a demanding career. It was laughable today as no one at my work knows and i thought to myself "if these people only knew what i have dealt with today" hmmm

Anyway I am resolved that the growth hormone did what it did. I don't think I will get as many as previous cycles but I am happy that I tried. I spoke to the founder of my clinic. He is whole other post. the man gave us his cell phone and lets us text him questions. he is my buddha. I spoke to him today and he said that the hgh is for quality and that we would be adding hcg at transfer. I have done that before and it didn't work but I am going to try it again. does anyone have any thoughts on hcg at transfer?

my goal for the weekend is to try to relax. we have a tremendous amount planned for this weekend and i just want to enjoy myself. I am also working out tomorrow and mentally telling myself this might be my last hard core work out. i have been bad before and worked out during my 2ww, but not anymore. for the love of god it is ivf number 5! as my acupuncturist says "you have the rest of your life to exercise, do nothing". He is also a sweet god from above.

 I hope you ladies are having a rock star weekend. Looking forward to catching up on my blogs.

Update

Scan went well. I am progressing as I usually do...at this point I dont know if that is a good or a bad thing. My estrogen was slightly low (which is unusual for me) so I was increased a bit. I go back on friday for a scan and some intralipids and then retrieval sometime early next week. Has anyone ever had the same amount retrieved. It is like my body has a set IVF point..i was reminded again today of quality over quantity ...but i just want more than last time. does that make sense? well actually lets face it i just want this to work!

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for the well wishes.

quick question

if anyone has used saizen or human growth hormone can you let me know if it makes your follicles grow faster? Ugh I am hoping all is ok.my first scan they didn't seem much but I am back tomorrow. I just feel so swollen already. any help or advice is appreciated!