Tuesday, April 2, 2013


This is kind of what I have been on. a mental one that is. I started my lupron on friday. I am doing a long lupron cycle. i have not used lupron exclusively before. the last time was with an iui and it was combined with follistim and menopur. I am surprised by the amount of cramps that i am having with it. any of you ladies know if this is normal?

other than that my husband and I enjoyed the holiday weekend to ourselves. it was wonderful. it is one of the positives of not living near family is getting to make the holidays your own. I know some hate it and miss family. not us. we have such small amounts of time together that we relish in making our own traditions. for the most part I felt good on easter sunday. there were moments that the reality hit that another holiday passing childless. another holiday not even remotely closer to having answers and or getting to our goal. i actually had someone at my job make a dumb ass comment about my weekend plans. we usually are very busy people between our careers and the rest of our life. one of my co workers said "i am surprised you are busy since you don't have kids". seriously what ignorance?! i wanted to laugh and say i do more in a week than most mothers since both my husband and i average 60-70 hours a work week, i make a full dinner every night no matter when we get home, clean my own house, work out several times a week, and menu plan every sunday night for the entire week. the person that said it doesn't even work full time! my husband told me I should have responded and said well how are you so busy since you work two days week only. but in my own polite way i just remarked that everyone is busy in their own way and let it go. dear sweet jesus let the dumb comments end!

What I do know, is if hopefully i get a child out of this mess of a life, i will never question any one's time and or actions. you never know what folks are dealing with. i have two friends and my husband who know about our struggles. no one at my work knows. sometimes i feel like i could have major bragging rights as to what i have endured and yet i still go to work every day. yup who was the girl at work 36 hours after her lap..yeah that was me; after transfer oh yeah that was me, after endo biopsy yup me again. I could be milking this shit for all that it is worth, but i refuse to. i have tremendous responsibilities at work and none that i take lightly. my doctor knows my rule unless it will impact the outcome i refuse to be told to sit home on my ass. my first ivf i took the whole week off and it failed. i vowed to never do that again. but trust me i could. my doctor would write me out of work any day given the number of attempts that i had. anyway, i am sorry for this rant. maybe i didn't realize how much things bothered me until now.

BUT if you have time, you must all read my fellow blogger's blog. maria at http://everydayisacountrysong.blogspot.com. 

She delivered her miracle daughter yesterday. She is the most amazing blogger. Her blog rocks my world with its creativity, pics, and of course her weekly food dishes. She has endured so much loss and to see her enter motherhood and share it with the world is a gift. She truly has inspired me with her spirit and the the love that she shares with her husband. If you need to be inspired read her story and trust me it will hopefully remind you that with persistence dreams can come true.


  1. What a stupid comment! It's right up there with when you complain you are tired and a parent says "Oh, you aren't tired. You don't know tired until you have a baby". Right. Because if you don't have kids you can't possibly be busy or tired. Please.

  2. seriously you totally get it. sorry for my rant but thanks so much for the support

  3. Some people really are clueless! They live in their own little bubble and they never stop to think about anyone else. Thank God we are more wise than that. Sometimes I feel bad for people who are that stupid. Just because no one at your office knows about your infertility doesn't mean that you don't have your own battles. Everyone is going through something, and insensitive comments hurt. You are going to make a great Mother someday, and when you do, I'm sure you will teach your children about empathy and compassion.

  4. Yeah, because you can only plan things if you have kids. You only have a life if you have kids, otherwise you are sitting at home with nothing to do. I agree, what a dumb a** thing to say!!

    I can't imagine needing to take the entire week off after transfer. I admit it did end up taking the day after off this last time though. I'm pretty much like you and go to work regardless of what's going on. I was at work the very next day following my D&C!! You just have to be smart and try to take it easy.

    Thanks for the blog referral. I will have to check it out.

  5. You have been in my prayers. I am SO sorry that you had to hear such ingnorant and untrue words from your coworker. People just need to zip it sometimes. You are incredibly strong and I truly admire your strength and honesty through it all. Thank you SO much for your sweet wishes and thoughtful words above. I will continue to keep you in my prayers. Keep on fightin' gf. It is so worth it. Lots and lots of love xoxox

  6. maria

    how sweet of you to post! can not wait for your next post and some pics. i hope and know you are in baby lovin bliss !!!!