I grew up right outside of Boston. The events yesterday have literally rocked my world. My day started yesterday by checking in with FB and watching a video of my brother in law at the start line with my 2 nieces and nephew. A tradition they have done for the past 7 years. He is an avid runner and lives for this event. He is also a teacher who was enjoying the start of a well earned spring break. My husband had called me at work, as I have no internet access, and told me of the events not knowing that our family were there. The next 12 minutes both of us tried to reach everyone in our family and could not. In those minutes I could not cry, breathe or think. All I could think was please god let nothing happen to them. Finally, my husband called and I told him to go back on FB; he did and my bother in law had posted a message that everyone was safe. On most days I hate FB and am relieved to not have internet access during the day to avoid the general grandstanding that happens on there. But yesterday the imagination of social media brought me gratitude. Cell phones had shut down and given he had posted a video of his family at the race, even more people were calling to make sure they were ok. Social media was one of the main reasons most people were able to get a message out. I am so grateful.
As the day progressed I could not help but to think where my life was at. I spent the morning at a monitoring appointment. Worrying about this and or that. Does this all matter? Do I want to bring a child into this world knowing that there is pure evil. My heart is aching for those families who lost someone and or who are seriously injured. I feel uneasy, on edge, and very unsure. I am spending my time and money towards a possibility of maybe having a child. My energy is completely absorbed by it. Am I wasting my time? Should I appreciate what I have? I also know that if I were a mother, I could not be as brave as some were and run to help others. I would grab my kids and run. I know it is awful, but watching the footage i envy those who don't think of them self first. That is not me. My instinct would be to get me and my family safe. Horrible I know. I just pray that these events stop in our world. It is too much, it is too close. I worry for the children being born that this world has become pure evil and this is how they will need to live.
Boston-in my heart today and always.