Thank you all for your comments and support. I have no words but just enormous gratitude. this world we called blogging is just becoming my life jacket. I am so lucky.
We had a fup with the founder and director of our clinic. on valentine's day. yup, ladies we are all about the unique and expensive ways to celebrate love. Prior to the meeting I did look at donors and consider my options. I spoke with our embryology department and had every flowsheet sent to me to exam. I need to say getting this information helped me alot. It gave me some reassurance on what i was being told. The reality is we make pretty good embryos, and a lot of them. I have decided to not pursue pgd or cgh testing. for us it would be 5k, no matter how many embryos. and the reality is even if one cycle tested poorly, i would still continue. yes, after all of this I don't feel ready to move on. I know I should. But I don't. I need to go with how I feel and what makes sense for me and my husband. I am not excluding an egg donor, but I am just not ready. I have a fridge full of meds and ovaries still making lots of eggs. My re told me that i had good energy (trust me his like the energy king) and that he was in no position to tell me to stop. He told me numerous stories of women, much older than me, and all with diagnoses who were successful who kept on trying. I told him that I will know when I am ready. I tend to make good decisions in life and this is one of them. I told my husband at any point if he wants to stop and use an egg donor I will. I just want him to feel honest with his own feelings.
Anyway, the one thing that my RE did say to me is that he is going back old school with ivf. He is very creative, out of the box type of guy, so this was shocking. He proposed a long lupron protocol, antibiotics, back on Dexamthethasone, heparin, and possibly some other stuff. I do not have to repeat the endo biopsey, which is great since i have now had 2 of those. additionally, he said no more intralipids. being the internet freak that I am, I already knew that they were on back order however, he is not seeing the numbers he had been with this technique. He is going to continue with intrauterine HCG. I have done that a few times, but I will do it again if it helps.He also wants me back on a thyroid medicine. I was not psyched about this, but my starting tsh was over 4 this time. i was on the generic version last year for 6 months and developed severe blushing with turn into a nasty facial rash. i am hoping the brand name will help. Trust me i want a baby badly, but I am tired of it being at the cost of my self esteem. walking around with the rash was not fun at all and took awhile to clear up. Does anyone else have a census on tsh levels? it seems there is much disagreement in the field.
I am also going to make some diet restrictions. which will be hard as i am already so restrictive. He also told me to add ocp to my supplement list. I am deleting dhea as well. he isnt a fan. anyway, this is a very long update. what I need now is hope and support. so please keep blogging. I am loving reading and getting inspired.