Saturday, February 16, 2013

Old School

Thank you all for your comments and support. I have no words but just enormous gratitude. this world we called blogging is just becoming my life jacket. I am so lucky.

We had a fup with the founder and director of our clinic. on valentine's day. yup, ladies we are all about the unique and expensive ways to celebrate love. Prior to the meeting I did look at donors and consider my options. I spoke with our embryology department and had every flowsheet sent to me to exam. I need to say getting this information helped me alot. It gave me some reassurance on what i was being told. The reality is we make pretty good embryos, and a lot of them. I have decided to not pursue pgd or cgh testing. for us it would be 5k, no matter how many embryos. and the reality is even if one cycle tested poorly, i would still continue. yes, after all of this I don't feel ready to move on. I know I should. But I don't. I need to go with how I feel and what makes sense for me and my husband. I am not excluding an egg donor, but I am just not ready. I have a fridge full of meds and ovaries still making lots of eggs. My re told me that i had good energy (trust me his like the energy king) and that he was in no position to tell me to stop. He told me numerous stories of women, much older than me, and all with diagnoses who were successful who kept on trying. I told him that I will know when I am ready. I tend to make good decisions in life and this is one of them. I told my husband at any point if he wants to stop and use an egg donor I will. I just want him to feel honest with his own feelings.

Anyway, the one thing that my RE did say to me is that he is going back old school with ivf. He is very creative, out of the box type of guy, so this was shocking. He proposed a long lupron protocol, antibiotics, back on Dexamthethasone, heparin, and possibly some other stuff. I do not have to repeat the endo biopsey, which is great since i have now had 2 of those. additionally, he said no more intralipids. being the internet freak that I am, I already knew that they were on back order however, he is not seeing the numbers he had been with this technique. He is going to continue with intrauterine HCG. I have done that a few times, but I will do it again if it helps.He also wants me back on a thyroid medicine. I was not psyched about this, but my starting tsh was over 4 this time. i was on the generic version last year for 6  months and developed severe blushing with turn into a nasty facial rash. i am hoping the brand name will help. Trust me i want a baby badly, but I am tired of it being at the cost of my self esteem. walking around with the rash was not fun at all and took awhile to clear up. Does anyone else have a census on tsh levels? it seems there is much disagreement in the field.

I am also going to make some diet restrictions. which will be hard as i am already so restrictive. He also told me to add ocp to my supplement list. I am deleting dhea as well. he isnt a fan. anyway, this is a very long update. what I need now is hope and support. so please keep blogging. I am loving reading and getting inspired.


  1. I agree, the friendships we make through blogging is an amazing support system. I am so glad to read that you are not ready to give up and are ready to move forward with the next protocol. Sounds like you have a really great doctor that is on top of things. I look forward to reading about your updates and cheering you I. As you go!

    1. *on as you go. Stupid auto correct!

  2. I can feel your energy and strength in your words. Your dr sounds amazing and supportive...very happy to hear. Wishing you tons of luck. You're a fighter. Xoxo

  3. My husband and I were just talking about this today. What do we do next if this doesn't work? When do we move on to egg donor or adoption? I am hoping this cycle works and we don't need to make any of these decisions, but one thing my husband did say is he will never give up until we have a child. However it happens, we will have a child. I don't want to give up either. I only worry that we'll run out of money before we run out of hope. I am glad you are going to keep fighting. I'll be here cheering you on the whole way.

  4. Initially my husband wanted only to try 2 cycles with my eggs. He figured that our odds would go down with my age increasing, not up. I showed him some statistics on how our chances were actually improved with another cycle and we were given an opportunity to try 1 more. I'm so glad we did because now our surrogate is pregnant with twins! (Our cycles actually improved each time BTW.)

    I wasn't ready yet to go to donor eggs either. Think I would have been after another bad cycle, but I'm glad I stuck to my gut. That's really important.

    We used DHEA for ours and I really think it helped, but I have read and talked to Dr.s explain where it can hurt. Particularly if the woman already has a high testosterone level. With ours, my results improved - though that could have also been due to other reasons. We will probably never know.

    Best of luck to you!!!

  5. It's important to listen to your heart and only move on when you are ready. It is also good that your RE wants to switch up the protocol, you never know what will work best for your body. And good luck with the diet restrictions, that is my least favourite part of IVF!