Winter Mornings

Woke up today to the sound of a snow plow. My usual thought would be to dread winter, but not today! Looked out the window and saw a beautiful blanket of white snow. It made me think of the holidays and I was wishing we were getting our tree today. Probably next week we will venture out and bring home a nice Frasier Fur!

 I loved Christmas as a child. My parents always went all out for the holiday. Christmas Eve was the  most magical day of the year. My grandfather would host the entire family at his house. It was an unreal night! We would take turns getting a present from youngest to oldest and sit in a special chair. He always had a way of getting you the most amazing gift. His house was tacked out in decorations and ornaments would be glued to each present. And I mean glue, like industrial stuff. It was fun, loud, at times chaotic, but I LOVED it. I have kept many of the ornaments over the years and now my parents do the same thing. We get ornaments every year, they are my most favorite gift. I love filling my tree with ornaments from them. I love that my parents do this for my siblings' kids as well. All of them have that same twinkle in their eye that me and my siblings had...and i am so glad.

What has been hard over the past several years is knowing how to spend Christmas. We live far from family so we end up traveling and  never have a holiday of our own. No one seems to understand this, except us. My husband thinks it is amplified by not having kids, I guess I agree. We are just suppose to travel, do Christmas on another day for us, and suck it up. Last year my cycle began on Christmas Day. I knew we would be doing IVF so I was somewhat excited. This Christmas will be here and I will be aware that it will make one year and way too many cycles. I am trying to prepare for that. We also made the decision, to leave my families house on Christmas Eve and travel home (nearly 3.5 hours) to our own home to have Christmas morning as a family. Because we are a family. No one likes to hear that, but 2 person families exists. We are our own identity. I am exhausted by explaining to family why we would want to be together and not just sleep at someone Else's house. Does this make sense to anyone else? Sadly my husband and I usually forgo gifts as we have so many to buy for others and we are never home. Even more sad the cost of IF has made gifts seem ridiculous. I know it bothers him that I don't want gifts. But I fear being put into debt and making us both feel worse about an already incredible difficult set of circumstances.

But as of today I have decided I am going to find my Holiday spirit. I am going to think of what it is about the holiday that is within my control and that i can enjoy. Two things are my tree: I go all out and I plan to this year; second my wrapping. I make homemade bows and take great pleasure in wrapping gifts. I might not have a baby to hold, or one if my belly to rub; but dammit there will be holiday bows, trees, and baking...and it will be fabulous.

Happy Holidays and Happy Saturday to All!