Blogging has been much harder than I thought. It seems that I have no time for myself or my life. I am sure most would agree. But the events on Friday made me realize today that I had to post. With the craziness of the holidays, both good and bad, we forget what we have in our on own life. Friday taught me that. It reminded me that the weekend previous, when I witnessed a father call his 4yr old daughter annoying as they were looking for a Christmas tree, that everyone should appreciate what they have today. Today I have my amazing husband and my health.
I also have infertility. And for some crazy reason, I appreciated it more this weekend. I know that I will hug my child each day and love them unconditionally. I also know that in life, even when it doesn't make sense, that every moment leads you to the place where are you are suppose to be. Its hard to say, its hard to hear, its hard to believe, but it is true. Infertility is leading me somewhere and I just cant wait to finally be there.
My husband and I have non technology nights during which we turn off all electronics and just be together. Some think we are crazy and cant believe at how little tv we watch. Before Friday it had been 10 days since I had watched any television. I realized last night as we sat quietly in front of our Christmas tree how much I value our time. we both have busy careers and once the week starts it is so hard to find that time. We held each other, talked, and we just BE. if that makes any sense? I realized how lucky I am as most of my friends' husbands would never do that with them as they complained to me all of the time and ask me how do I make him do it. I don't make him, he just wants to. And that hit me last night. We have never tired from wanting to be together. He never tires from supporting me. And last night when I told him that I could not explain the depth of my sadness but just that I wanted us to be in a different place in life. He turned to me and said we will get there. He never has given up. I don't always give him credit for that. He witnessed me, and of course went through as well, do 4 ivf cycles in 10 months, we both sacrificed financially each day to make that possible. He supports me as I work my schedule to attend endless doctor appointments, or wait on a list for other doctors across the country. We have texted doctors, had phone conferences, written letters, scanned documents, all for the chance to build our family. Last night he thanked me for the effort. He reminded me that I am a strong person and without me he didn't know where his life would be. I love him endlessly and he will forever be my everything.
In this new year I am promising to do everything possible to make his dreams come true. Appreciating what I have, and waiting patiently to get to where we were meant to be.